Some days, you still worry

March 29

I have been divorced for over 5 years, and am much happier with my life now.  However, when you have kids together you are never really out of each other’s lives.  Even when the kids are older, there will be weddings, holidays, and grandkids. A good friend reminded me of this when I was going through all of the messy stuff.  While I lost my husband in divorce, I did not lose the father of my children.

Our relationship is good, for the kids.  I choose not to argue or fight.  I choose peace and happiness, and accept life as it is and not as it could have been.  Most days I am completely content with my choices, and other days I still  worry.  I will never stop caring for the father of my children and I would never want them to be without him.  My ex-husband does not make the best decisions and now there are health issues on top of that.  There are times I check in to see how he is doing, to make sure he is feeling well enough to take the kids.  Today was one of those days. 

 My kids are on spring break and their dad is hoping to see them a bit more.  After talking yesterday, he said, “Let’s meet around 2ish tomorrow.  I will call the kids later and we can confirm a time.”  He didn’t call later.  This happens and I used to panic, my mind would go to the worst case scenario, but I don’t anymore.  I texted at 10:00 this morning,” Are we meeting at 2:00?”, no response.  I called a couple hours later, and sent another text a while after that.

Now my mind goes to all the scenarios, none of them good.  I call one more time before I panic, and he answers, he sounds good, when I as how he is feeling, his response “Fine, why?”  I tell him about my calls, my texts, my worry…..

“Oh, sorry.  My phone was on mute”

Relief that he is ok, anger that he is so irresponsible, and frustration that I still worry!  Hopefully when my kids are teenagers, it won’t be bad because I’ve already done my time 😉

4 thoughts on “Some days, you still worry

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